In the run up to series 3, the BBC is releasing 3 Torchwood radio plays. The first one which became available yesterday, Asylum, was.... underwhelming. However, I had great hope for the one released today, as it was written by James Goss, the man who wrote the tie-in novel Almost Perfect. For those of you who haven't read Almost Perfect, just trust me when I say it was full of so much fabulous that when you're done reading the book, you find you've somehow become covered in glitter. So, naturally, your expectations of fabulous for anything that he writes should be high.

James Goss, I would like to take this moment to formally let you know that following my listening to Golden Age, I have decided that you are one of the most fierce people who ever lived, and that you and I should go dancing at the gay clubs together, possibly shoe shopping on the weekends. In short, sir, I am in big gay love with you. 

Here's the synopsis of Golden Age as given by the BBC website where you can download it:

The Torchwood team are led to Delhi on the trail of a dangerous energy field. As the field grows, they witness the simultaneous disappearance of hundreds of people. Jack discovers that the field centres on an old colonial mansion, Torchwood India.

Shocked to find that Torchwood India is still going strong after he shut it down himself over 80 years ago, he is even more surprised to find that its members, including his old flame the Duchess, haven't aged a day.

Needless to say, with THAT summary, I had pretty high expectations. And the actual radio play met and exceeded almost every expectation of fabulous that I had.

Go listen to it. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00lg4nq
 

( Spoilery stuff under cut )

Now I will go back to being a slightly less pathetic person and doing something productive with my day.

Which really means I'm going to go back to waiting helplessly for series 3. *sigh*

 

Some of you may remember my Genocide List. I've got another group of people to add: People who are consistently or to a great magnitude inconsiderate to service industry workers. 

Tonight at work it was friggen busy. It was bad enough that all of the effing little high school-ers are done for the summer as of today and have taken over downtown, (that's another rant altogether) but I was AMAZED at the amount of absolute douche-baggery floating around. It's honestly as if people suddenly lose all decency and common sense when they're talking to anyone who works in the service industry.

I feel it should be a requirement of living in this country that you work a service job for at least two years, like conscription into the army. I'm pretty sure that would solve a lot of the rudeness that people treat their sandwich-makers, retail salesmen, and bank tellers with. For those of you who have never worked a service job, here's a few rules to follow in your interactions with anyone working at a place from which you are buying things:

( THE RULES )

All of my posts have been fairly whiny lately. Oh, well. Here's another one to add to the pile.

I hate this day. It is humid and raining and RIDICULOUS, and no matter what I do my hair ends up looking like THIS: 



Additionally, today I fell asleep in stats class (though on the upside, I will be completely effing done with stats after next Wednesday).

I literally have 3 dollars to last me until my next paycheck, so I decided to go sell all of my philosophy books from last semester, because I can always check them out at the library, and I don't REALLY need them, right? And besides, philosophy may feed my mind, but I need to feed my stomach... and pay for parking. 

So I spent half an hour running from class to my car to get my books, to the store where they told me I needed my UM ID only for me to find out I left my ID at my apartment, and I've parked in a parking garage with no money to pay for parking on the contingency that I would be able to sell my books before I left. I had to run to the advising center to ask what my ID number is only to run BACK to the store to find out that 8 philosophy books that I paid over a 150 dollars for get me a total of 19 fucking dollars to last me until next Friday. I take the receipt upstairs to the register, to find that for some reason, two jack-off nerdy looking guys have decided they need to buy 30 dollars worth of UM logo-stamped pencils (honestly, wtf.) which is as aggravating as the classic old lady counting pennies at the bank teller, except twice as ridiculous because who the hell needs that many friggen pencils? And the cashier counted them all at least 8 times to make sure they were all there, and I wanted to scream because all I wanted was my 19 measley dollars so that I can get the hell out of downtown thank-you-very-much. 

And then after I got my 19 dollars (finally) I almost turned around and punched the two pencil-buyers in the FACE because as I went to leave they came up to the register with a couple more pencils to buy. 

WHO THE HELL NEEDS THAT MANY PENCILS!?!? Theories? I'm personally thinking they're making a giant effigy to the UM pencil gods to burn upon graduation. That's the only way I won't feel like they wasted my time. Honestly.

I'm absolutely terrible. I haven't updated in FOREVER... again. I THOUGHT I would get a break between winter semester and spring semester, because, you know, I only have 2 more friggen classes to take until I am officially DONE with my philosophy degree and applying for law schools, but apparently that's not how the University of Michigan works. And apparently it turns out I need STATS 350 to graduate.

Which is fine, right, because, "Maria, but, but Ugg-wearing sorostitutes take STATS 350 for their math credit, and they usually fail ENG 101!" However, you must be aware of the fact that because of her philosophy degree, Maria has not been required to take a math class of ANY sort since junior year of high school, and 5 years spent only doing enough math to make change for customers at Potbelly when the registers are broken is not nearly enough to count as any sort of real math... ever. Plus I need to get at least an A- in this course to bring my GPA up from a 3.4 to a 3.5. Thankfully, I've been kicking my own butt and have gotten an A- on the first exam, which, with the first quiz score thrown in, means that so far, I have an A- in the course overall.

But I'm scared I won't do well because it's only getting harder. That's what she said.

However, I HAVE found some time to write my Janto fic (after not posting a chapter for 4 months) and did go to Stratford with Mom, Cappie, Liz, and Jade without exploding from stress about my courses, which was a near thing.

THINGS TO DO:

1. Get an A- in STATS 350, because I've totally got COMPLIT 122 in the bag.

2. FINALLY make a post about the trip to the Creation Museum.

3. Make a post about the trip to Stratford and how fabulous the Importance of Being Ernest was. (Lady Bracknell played by Brian Bedford, FTW)

4. I've been debating whether I should do this for a while, and it seems I should Get With The Times and finally create a writing journal, because I never post my fic to my personal journal (that's here), fanfic.net is woefully inadequate at being awesome, and much of my fic is scattered through the comms like so many leaves in the wind.

So within the next couple of months, I shall compile all my many fandoms and writings onto one livejournal after editing them. Though the older fic, I think I'll post but not bother with the editing. Especially my RENT fic. God, it makes me depressed to read Dying By Surviving. But I'm sure I'll go back and read Revelations in a couple years and feel the same way. There's a time-stamp on how good I feel about my writing, it seems, because I'm not really sure if I'm getting any better. *sigh* Though why I take FANFICTION so seriously, of all things, I'll never know. 

5. Clean my apartment. Buy groceries. Do laundry. This really shouldn't be at the bottom of the list.

Additionally, Jenny is the best older sister ever, because for my graduation present, she CROCHETED ME A IANTO. zomg.


It's a perfect likeness!

( Photo Dump of Ianto!Doll... if anyone's interested. :D )

Graah! Just. One. More. Final. I keep telling myself it'll be over soon, even though it feels like it won't, even though my last final is on Wednesday. I can't handle this. The stress is killing me.

Last Thursday's final was by far the worst. I didn't REALLY buckle down and start studying until far too late on Wednesday night, so I pulled an all nighter.

Of course, at 6:00 am when I decided to move from an abandoned classroom to the computer lab, everything went to hell.

If you've been hanging around me lately, you'll know that I have a piece of crap laptop (a craptop, if you will). Bobby laughs at me constantly because the power chord is janky, and I have to wiggle it, tie it in knots, or drape it around my computer JUST SO in order for the battery to begin charging. When I plugged in my laptop at the computer lab, it was having issues, no matter how I wiggled the chord or draped it, and I was getting frustrated at the lack of charging.

And obviously, when I saw the smoke out of my peripheral vision, I had been up for 30 hours so I figured I was just hallucinating. At least until my friend Taylor looks over and goes, "HOLY SHIT, Maria! Your computer is smoking!"

I'm a little slow on the uptake still so instead of unplugging my computer and backing the fuck up, I sniff at the smoke (it smelt rubber-y) before turning my computer around to see where it was coming from. That's when I notice that the power port has become some sort of rocket jet-pack because flames are shooting out of it, and a good length of the power chord is engulfed in flames and sparking.

My mind finally caught up so I screamed, "JESUS!" and flung my rolly chair backwards. Taylor, like an action hero movie star, lunges for the chord and rips it out of the wall. I'm left to explain in halting language why there was screaming to the techies in the computer lab. They weren't amused, but told me bluntly, "Oh. That happens a lot." 

Did I miss the memo titled, "Oh, and besides sex causing babies, your laptop will probably explode at one point in your life." ? Because I'm pretty sure that shit should NEVER happen. Especially during finals.

So I was left with only enough power in my battery to last me an hour since my power chord was shot. I spent the rest of the day ninja-studying... I'd do as much work as I could not using the notes on my computer, then flip it open, frantically scribble down as much as I could, and slam it closed again to conserve energy. It sucked.

When I called dad to tell him about it, he cracked up for a minute and then said, "Out of all my kids, I'd want to be you the least," and "I'd rather be me than you, and I had a heart attack last year."

Thanks, Dad. 

The day got worse, because as I was up all night, I contracted a fairly nasty sore throat. After taking my final (and kicking it's ass six ways to Wednesday) I decided to go get some tea at the Espresso Royale. I downed it fairly quickly because my throat was KILLING me, and then left to go to my car, go home, and get some sleep.

Of course, in my sleep deprived state, I hadn't factored in that it was 80 degrees outside, I hadn't eaten in 12 hours or slept in 36, and I had just downed a cup of scalding hot tea in 10 minutes. My stomache began to rebel immediately.

I did that thing you do when you think you're going to throw up but you REALLY don't want to and try to talk yourself out of it. Like that ever works. "No, come on, you're fine. You don't feel sick. It's a beautiful day out! Distract yourself by looking at the birds! Aren't they pretty? Just two more blocks to your car. You'll make it. You feel great!" My stomache cannot be reasoned with.

And it decides to finally lose it right in the middle of the diag, which is one of the highest-traffic areas on campus. Especially during exams. I made it to a trash can that was off to the side before hurling, but I still caused a mortifying commotion. This girl even came up and was like, "OMGZ, R u, liek, okay? Do you want me to call 911??!" And I'm like, "NO! Do NOT call 911. Please. I'm fine. Just... *tear* don't look at me, okay?" 

I hate finals. Even though it's really my own fault and not theirs.


 

 So Kolby was doing this personality profile thing. You had to go through a bunch of lists of words and say which one described you most, which least, an then score all the groups of words to determine your personality type. This is what I got: 

INSPIRATIONAL PATTERN

Emotions: accepts aggression; downplays need for affection
Goal: control of their environment or audience
Judges others by: projection of personal strength, character, and social power
Influences others by: charm, direction, intimidation; use of rewards
Value to the organization: acts as a "people mover"; initiates, demands, compliments, disciplines
Overuses: attitude that "the ends justify the means"
Under pressure: becomes manipulative, quarrelsome or beligerent
Fears: weak behavior; loss of social status
Would increase effectiveness through: genuine sensitivity; willingness to help others to succeed in their own personal development

Persons with the Inspirational Pattern consciously attempt to modify the thoughts and actions of others. They want to control their environment. They are astute at identifying and manipulating an individual's existing motives in order to direct that person's behavior toward a predetermined end. 

Inspirational persons are clear about the results they want, but they do not always immediately verbalize them. they state the results they want only after they have primed the other person, offering friendship to those who desire acceptance, authority to those who seek power, and security to those who want a predictable environment.

Inspirational persons can be charming in their interactions. They are persuasive when they want help in repetitive and time-consuming details. People often experience a conflicting sensation by feeling drawn to Inspirational people and yet being curiously distanced. Others may feel "used" by Inspirational persons' powers of manipulation. Although they sometimes inspire fear in others and override their decisions, Inspirational persons are generally well liked by co-workers because they use their considerable verbal skills to persuade others whenever possible. Inspirational persons clearly prefer to accomplish goals through cooperation and persuasion instead of dominance. 

This doesn't really fit me PERFECTLY, but I feel like it's prooty close. And of course, because I am a lame ass, and have to connect everything back to Torchwood, I started thinking about how in my friendship group I have been designated as the "Jack Harkness" (we have this tendency to assign roles to ourselves when watching television and movies). And as I read this profile again it sounded a lot like Jack. 

So I went through and found some of the other personality profiles that TOTZ fit the other four Torchwood guys... because it is late and I have nothing better to do. SO I will post under the cut the abbreviated profiles of Tosh, Ianto, Owen, and Gwen. Obviously, the Inspirational Pattern is given to Jack. Wha. 

No one cares, I know this. I'm okay with it. :D 

( TORCHWOOD PERSONALITY PROFILES FTW )I win the lame card. Forever. What you think? 

So I just stayed up late last night (read: I got an hour of sleep... maybe) working on the bulk of a paper.

It's not like I hadn't done any work before this- most of the reading and the outline I had finished, but for some reason I find myself incapable of working on something intensively until the night BEFORE IT IS DUE. I honestly don't know what the fuck my problem is. If I could figure out the root, I would correct the problem. Every time I tell myself this is not going to happen again, every time I take a few steps to do a little bit more work before the night the paper is due, and EVERY TIME this doesn't seem to really mean anything.

Bobby was talking about how he had three pages of one paper done, two of another and both of the papers are due in a couple weeks. I expressed confusion at this. "How do you do that? I mean, how do you write a paper without finishing it?" There is some sort of state of being, some COMPULSION within me that makes it impossible for me to write papers in any way other than how I am accustomed to writing them. 

And apparently, this pattern of mine is so pronounced that Bobby and Matt have noticed and compiled a list of the the phases of my paper writing. Their observations and splitting up of the phases is so scarily accurate that I just HAD to post it here.  

 

 

Maria’s 13 Phases of Impending Doom

 

 

1)     Distraction

a.       Can last days

b.      Typical manifestations include hanging out with friends, Torchwood/Doctor Who, porn, and sleeping

 

2)     Denial

a.       “Its not gonna be that bad…this is just what I always do”

b.       “Oh shut up, you knew I wasn’t going to start it tonight”

 

3)     Compromise

a.       As the impending doom outpaces the denial, Maria turns to scheduling compromises to continue her procrastination

b.      “If I do nothing for a bit now…I’ll be able to dedicate myself wholly to this later tonight”

 

4)     Reassurance

a.       Doubt grows, causing the need for outsiders to validate and enable her bad behavior

b.      “This will totally work….right?....RIGHT?!?!”

 

5)     Not work Pre-work

a.       Typically a response to less than hearty reassurance by friends, Maria partakes of her own pointless self-reassurance through busywork

b.      Typical forms include: Fiddling w/ pre-existing outlines; Needless organizing and reorganizing of sources and tangible objects in reach; numerous re-readings of the essay prompt

 

6)     Nap

a.       Having assuaged her initial insecurities through fake productivity, a reward of sorts is in order

b.      This phase can occasionally be skipped if the Distraction/Denial phases involved sleeping past 2pm or numerous previous naps

 

7)     Frantic Bargaining and Rationing

a.       Fueled by guilt from procrastination, heightened if Nap phase was utilized, Maria begins to furiously calculate time rations and impossible self-imposed deadlines


"So if I write 200 words every 20 minutes for the next 2 hours, divide that by the expected word count and a slight increase in inertia, added to the amount of peer-pressure and minus the temperature in the computer lab, I should be able to finish the paper by 2:30." 
 

b.      A reward structure in the form of Pizza House or Egg a’ Muffins is usually used

 

 

 

 

8)     Epic Freakout

a.       Feeling of impending doom hits critical level, all previous reassurance or planning is negated

b.      “IIIIIII’MMMM GONNA KILL MYSELF…I’m GOING to KILL myself”

c.       A mild amount of haphazard actual work is completed, though accompanied with much cursing and assurances to those surrounding here that her writing is “a pile of shit”

 

9)     Nap Round 2: An Exercise in Futility

a.       In an attempt to calm nerves, Maria is inexplicably convinced that a 15 min nap on her keyboard will make all of her problems go away

b.      This nap will be cut short, sometimes even under 1 min, as panic overrides her natural instinct to nap

Example: "I'm just going to take a short nap and then I'll work from 2:00 am until Pizza House gets here." *Head down* *Two second pause* "AGGGH! I can't do this!" *Resumes frantic not work pre-work*

 

10)                        Epic Freakout Round 2

a.       Similar to Round 1, but typically with the addition of tense snapping at those around her.

b.      Will last until arrival of food

 

11)                        Zombie Like Productivity

a.       Pretty Self Explanatory

b.      Cannot begin before 2am, but can last 4-8 hrs

 

12)                        Victory

a.       Maximum of 2 hrs prior to time assignment due, typically much less

b.      Accompanied by phrases like “I am a BAMF!” and "My sentence structure PWNS."

 

13)                        Denial Round 2

a.       The essential phase which continues the cycle of procrastination

b.      “That wasn’t so bad”

 

Last night was the third time in as many weeks that the phases were enacted. Honestly, I'll stop doing it when it stops being so damn amusing. Because it really kind of is.

Dear Michigan,

I was working a closing shift at Potbelly tonight. You know how much I hate those. We've had long conversations about it when I walk home at midnight. So, Michigan, you can imagine my surprise and horror when I finished mopping the floors to find that you'd decided it was a good opportunity for you to precipitate all over the fucking place. In blizzard form. 

What the hell, Michigan? I thought we were all done with that the last three times it got warm for a week and then fucking cold again. Why do you have to get my hopes up this way only to dash them with 30 mph winds and below freezing temperatures? I'm getting sick and fucking tired of digging my car out from under 10 feet of snow only to skid on the ice and crash into a tree when I finally get the engine to start. I black out as a result of the crash for three hours, and when I wake up, I'm sitting in a wrecked car with the sun beating down on it. Not acceptable, Michigan. It's just a cruel joke.

I thought we were friends, Michigan. We've known each other for 22 years. If you're mad I went to see Florida around Christmas, you only have to tell me so. Remember, I ended up spending New Year's with you. I thought it was fair. Punishing me this way is childish and will only serve to make me want to be around you less. I've already thought about how it would be nice to go visit Florida again soon. You catch more flies with honey, Michigan. I thought you understood that.

Is there something you want to talk about, Michigan? You must be upset. Being passive aggressive is not the best way to get what you want. We're not dating, Michigan. You don't get to act like you're fine for a week only to freak out for three days, then be fine for a week and freak out for another two. You're warm and welcoming and SNAP, suddenly you're cold and bitter. You have to express to me when you're angry instead of snubbing me to hang out with your old pal, Condensation. I thought we were past this, Michigan.

Michigan, you have to know I'm willing to work this out. I don't want us to be at odds with each other. It makes it awkward not only for me, but for everyone else around you. It's not fair to take it out on entire cities when you have a problem with me, Michigan. You'll only create more enemies.

Please call me, Michigan. We need to have a serious conversation. 

Love,
Maria

I haven't updated in forever. 

I haven't done a LOT of things I said I was gonna do. This was my Spring Break week. I was supposed to catch up.



Things I Haven't Done

1. I went to the Creation Museum and a bunch of tourist traps last weekend with the gays. For the rest of the week of Spring Break, I said I was gonna write the account of the Creation Museum complete with PHOTOS and MOVING PICTURE BOXES on my livejournal. But then I couldn't figure out how to upload videos to YouTube, and I got lazy and I haven't done it. But I will. I swear. It is a Story That Must Be Told.

2. I said I would write the next chapter of my pathetic Jack/Ianto-fanfic-what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-with-my-life story. That'll get done eventually too.

3. I said I would get a jump start on the reading for my classes for next week. What a surprise that I didn't, eh?

4. I said I would stop spending money, clean my apartment, buy real groceries, and STOP FAILING SO HARD. Zip. Zilch. Nada.



Things I Have "Accomplished"

1. Go to Midland to my parents' house. Which sucks my soul. Stayed there for five days when I said I would stay for two.

2. Sleep.

3. Eat all the food in my family's house.

4. AND, on ONE memorable occasion- eat 5 pieces of fried chicken, two double cheeseburgers, 6 beers, 4 gin and tonics, and watch a horror movie called Grizzly Peak with Kent for the sole fact that it had the tag line: "It's gonna be a bear." I threw up at five in the morning into a trash can. My father was very proud.



Grizzly Peak

It was a good movie because I was drunk. Veh-he-heeerrry drunk. I watched it for the romance between Ranger Bob and Beebee. It was the love story of our time.

Until the bear mauled her at the end and ripped her tit off. Her breast implant was knocked into a tree and fell with a squelch of blood and silicon.

Then the credits rolled.

I feel like the whole movie was built around that moment. Like that was the punchline. Like some guys were sitting around and one of them said, "Hey, wouldn't it be awesome if there was some girl you weren't sure had breast implants or not, and the way you found out that she DID have breast implants was if a bear came up and clawed her tit off so the breast implant flew out?!? Wouldn't that be fucking awesome?" Then they made a movie out of it where the Asian and the Black kid get killed first. Of course.

Thanks, guys. Surprisingly, it WAS pretty fucking awesome.

I think I need to lie down. 

I promise a more meaningful post will come soon.

Win.

Which Torchwood Character Are You? Your Result: Captain Jack Harkness   You most resemble the team's outrageous, mysterious leader. Cheeky, sexy, and charming, people are drawn to your charisma, but at the same time you tend to keep your relationships superficial. You aren't afraid of your emotions and tend to just let them out, but you are afraid of truly connecting with those around you.
Owen Harper
Gwen Cooper
Toshiko Sato
Ianto Jones
Which Torchwood Character Are You? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I'm slowly dying. A paper due on Tuesday, one on Thursday, and then two exams on the 16th that I HAVE to get A's on or else I may feasibly get lower than a C and have to re-take a course which means I'll be here for another semester that I don't have money for and... Gah.

I'm not going to think about that now. Instead, I'm going to tell you a story.

Patrick and Matt both insisted that everyone go see a movie with them. I, of course, outright refused to see this particular movie, because I think the books are terrible in every way a book can be terrible, and the movie looked just as terrible, if not more so.

But then Patrick bought me a fifth of vodka, and Matt bought my ticket. So I ended up going. I considered it was a fair trade. And it was a good move to pump me full of alcohol before we went. I straight out told Patrick that I needed to be WASTED in order to see the damn thing, or else we'd get kicked out in the first ten minutes. Turns out, I had enough trouble restraining myself even then.

We packed up a couple vans full of homosexuals, and we went to see Twilight.

Quite honestly, we all found it wonderfully amusing and actually enjoyed the experience. If you're a fan of Twilight, you probably found it amusing and enjoyed the experience as well. The difference is that our amusement stems from two completely different places.

Like that sign I saw on the highway advertising a church- It had a photo of a cross, and carved into it was the phrase "Who's Your Daddy?" A Christian would find that sign amusing because they'd think, "Awww, isn't that NICE, using hip slang and American vernacular to get the youth excited about celebrating Jesus Christ?" and I found it amusing because I thought, "That is the most trashy, poorly thought out, RIDICULOUS fucking thing I've seen in my entire life. It alternately makes me want to laugh hysterically and punch someone."

Needless to say, if you're a fan of Twilight, I wouldn't read what's under the cut, because it'll probably just offend you. If you're a fan of Twilight and you STILL read under the cut and try to argue in the comments against me about why it's actually a good story, my respect for you will go down 30-50 percent. You have been warned.

( Hold on tight, spider monkey. )

It's really long and frightening and I'm not sure I understood the effing subject the way I should have (I may have just interpreted it the way I wanted it to be interpreted)... but I SOUND smart, dammit! Even though my professor will probably see through that. Instantly.

This class is kicking my ass. So is symbolic logic. I'm kind of terrified I'm gonna get a couple C's this semester. And not get into law school. Jeezus help me.

People sing my name all the time. Whenever I meet them it's always:

"Maria? I just met a girl named Maria."

And then they look at me with a big grin like they think no one else has done it to me. Like they're all clever and shit. There are too many fucking songs with the name "Maria" in them.

However, Captain Jack is welcome to sing my name at me ANY day.






SQUEEEEEE!!!!!! XDDDDDDDDD

No doubt everyone's making posts about this, so I won't bore you. Succinctness is the name of the game.

I am so happy.

For a moment I can pretend I'm not a cynical asshole who thinks most Americans are bigoted morons who are afraid of higher education, tolerance, and common decency.

I was so upset that I had to work tonight, until Obama won and people were streaming off campus and through the streets in droves, screaming, cheering, pounding on the windows of the shop until my boss (also an Obama supporter) insisted we go out for a minute and join them.

"We shouldn't be doing this. We could probably get fired for it," she said with a huge grin on her face, jumping up and down.

It made me want to hug the world.

And now, you're about to get Barackrolled.




HAPPY PRESIDENCY, BARACK OBAMA!!!!!

I know I should be recounting the tale of Chicago, but I saw a picture of a guy in a banana suit online and I remembered this story, so I wanted to write it down before I forget about it.

Last Saturday, Patrick came down from Rochester. What I REALLY wanted to do was drink and watch Torchwood (which seems to be all I ever want to do nowadays... sigh) but Patrick and I both agreed that we ought to at least make an appearance at Kolby's lame straight Luther House massive drunken Halloween party of death- they basically pack 500 people into a co-op with kegs, a bunch of assholes you don't know who dance up against you and comment on your costume in a really unintelligent manner (MAN, ARE YOU LIEK, A MUSLIM LADY?- that's what this one guy asked Patrick, who was dressed up as a 50's house wife, for the record, because Patrick didn't have a wig and instead put a white scarf over his hair.)

I didn't have a costume (I still don't, though I'm gonna go looking on Friday) so I wore a suit coat with no undershirt so my boobs were very present, put on atrocious make up, and wrote "Serenity by Jan" on a candle that I proceeded to sniff whenever I got stressed for the rest of the evening.

We were walking to the party with a bunch of stumbling drunken morons behind us coming from the bars. Across the street there was a man in a banana costume. 

"HOLY FUCK, What is THAT?" Drunken asshole number one exclaimed, referring to the banana man.
"SHiit, that's the fuckin' KKK." Drunken asshole number two stated.
"SHIT, That's THE FUCKIN' KKK! Is that the KKK!?" Drunken asshole number one rejoined.
"He's a BANANA!" I shouted, when the drunken idiots started shouting insults and made as if they were going to go kick the banana guy's ass.
"Oh. He's a banana." Drunken asshole number two said. "SHit, man, that was crazy. I thought it was the fuckin' KKK."

Patrick and I just barely made it around the corner before we started cracking up uncontrollably.

Sometimes people are stupid in really amusing ways.

I stayed up until 3 am in the morning last night studying for my symbolic logic exam. I got up at 6 am this morning to continue studying, and went to office hours at 9 am to clarify any questions. The content of this class is REALLY effing hard and I've been kicking my own ass trying to keep up. Imagine my happiness when, after all my hard work, I perused the exam when it was handed to me at 10 am to find that I knew the answers to all the questions.

I was diligently working through truth tables, valuations, and equivalency proofs when, half an hour into the exam, the fire alarm goes off. The GSI groaned and looked at the ceiling pleadingly. Everyone froze. Finally, after letting the alarm go off for a minute or two, the GSI said, "Well, I guess we better go. Bring everything."

So we were all standing outside with the exams in hand. Some people were fraternizing. Some people were working on the problems, even though the GSI had told us to stop working on them. Some people were helping other people work on the problems. I was standing with a group of friends bitching in indignant shock about the unfairness of the world.

It wasn't a fire drill, because we were outside for 30 minutes before the alarm shut off, so some fucker must have pulled the alarm. They best pray I never find them. I can't believe I studied last night for nothing.

At the end of the class period, the GSI collected our half-finished exams with the assurance that he would, "figure something out."

All of the options here look bad to me. I don't want to re-take the exam with slightly different problems. I don't want THIS exam to count for anything because that would be blatantly unfair (if the professor tries to make it this way, I will throw a giant hissy at the dean of students). I don't want the next two exams to count for double, or for this exam's points to be completely thrown away so the next two exams are worth a larger percentage of the grade. I don't want more homework to be assigned to make up for the points lost in the exam.

Fuck.

( In other news, people who write on bathroom walls are stupid... )

My alarm went off this morning at 6:30 am, and I promptly re-set it for 9:00 am, even though I had promised myself I would get up and cram for my exam tomorrow- because I know if I started studying at 6:30, it really meant I would dick around on the computer until 7:30 or 8:00, and then I would probably take 20 minute breaks for every hour of studying. Obviously, this meant I needed to get started early. This plan didn't work out.

At around 7:15 am, 45 minutes after I resolutely screwed myself by re-setting my alarm, I woke up to the most painful charlie horse I think I've ever had.

As I lay whimpering into the pillow, I wondered if maybe this was karma- some sort of subconscious bodily function that was telling me to get the fuck up and study. I thought this for about a minute. When the worst of the pain subsided, I, of course, passed out again until 9:00 am.

I don't know whether to be disgusted or resigned at my lack of discipline. It's not like it comes as much of a surprise.

My calf still feels tight and burning. Hopefully it will stop me from falling asleep on my keyboard.

I'm giving myself until 4pm to start up again. BREAK TIME. Random thoughts:

I hate McCain so much. I hate Sarah Palin so much. But honestly, I hate the voters more than them. The people who watch the debates, or DON'T watch the debates or inform themselves in any other way, and still think that the McCain/Palin ticket is a good choice to make. The people who are superficially, emotionally, religiously, or racially motivated as opposed to the people who are motivated by rationallity and worry for the state of our country and the world. I've begun thinking "We need a new plague" on a regular basis. I feel terrible about it sometimes, but I've even come up with a genocide list:

GENOCIDE LIST:

1. Anyone who has ever put a giant plastic snow-globe in their front yard. Maybe I'd be a little lenient on the people who put giant snow-globes or blow-up dolls in their yard for Christmas if they keep it down to one of the pieces of crap, but anyone who has a giant Halloween or Easter snow globe should just die. That makes no sense. It's a SNOW GLOBE. There should not be a witch in it with orange confetti. It makes you look like white trash, not cute or supportive of the holidays. 

2. Anyone who has ever thought that Hillary Duff, Miley Cyrus, or one of the other Disney kids were "cool". Also, High School Musical is included. The Disney channel is a blight upon American culture. I remember when they used to be awesome and artistic, though sexist. Now they just suck and are a cancer that needs to be eradicated.

3. Anyone who says the word "fag" to describe someone stupid.

4. Anyone who gets into college solely based on their parents' connection to the school (like there's a library named after them).

5. Anyone who is a one issue voter.

6. Anyone who has ever worn Ugg boots or one of those shapeless tank tops that make you look like you're wearing a burlap sack. Anyone who loves all the clothes at American Apparel.

7. Any straight man who has ever gone to a bar, gotten drunk, and started a pointless fight with someone they didn't even know.

8. Stupidly religious people. It's one thing if you read the Bible or Koran or Torah, if you KNOW your religion and still support it (though I personally hold the view that anyone who truly knows their religion would choose not to support it because of all the inconsistencies they're sure to find). Still, if it gives you some hope to believe in something beyond you, that's fine as long as you have reasons to believe it and you leave other people alone about it. However, if I can quote more Bible stories/passages than you can, I don't think you have a leg to stand on.

EDIT: 9. People who insult you on livejournal anonymously because they are self-important assholes with an axe to grind. Usually for no real reason but the fact that they want to feel 'special' or like some sort of warrior for 'truth'. See post- "You shouldn't hit me, Michael!"

10. People who write slurs/arguments on bathroom walls or other public/inappropriate places. See post- "Are you fucking KIDDING me?!?"

11. People who are either consistently or to a great magnitude inconsiderate to service industry workers. See post- "No, we do NOT have ice cream after 11 pm, Jackoff."

There are more, but it's 4pm and I have to go do work. Feel free to add anyone to the genocide list. Or yell at me for even writing it, though I will most likely ignore you.

Also, I find it funny that the computer lab where people circle around like sharks looking for the ONE free computer in the whole place is called the fishbowl. What an apt description.

Okay, so that subject line is a little dramatic. But I just got off a shift at Potbelly... Mostly, I am Arthur Dent, but I also have to take out trash and all the other menial labor- blah blah blah. The main thing that sucks is my schedule. Let me outline an average week in my life right now (namely, this week): 

( A week in the life... of PAIN! )

I know I never post anymore. I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. I've been busy. Well, either drunk or busy. Which are kind of the same thing. Not that I'm a lush or anything. I'll stop now.

QUICK UPDATE:

1. I am still dating John- 9 months and counting. GYAHAHAA! :-D
2. I now work at Potbelly. The people there are pretty fabulous. They also think I have herpes and no friends. (Stories will follow).
3. I have 15 credit hours and it is my senior year. Symbolic Logic and Conditional Thought and Talk are kicking my ass. :(
4. I need to study more. I also need to sleep more. I wonder which one will win. (If you didn't guess the latter, you don't know me very well.)
5. Seekers. Country club. Good times.

That's all I'm bothering to put right now. I hope it will galvanize me into action and more posts will follow. CHEERS!