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Note to self: No more immature bullshit.

When I'm bored and feeling insecure, I have a tendency to do stupid, self-indulgent things. I'm not used to feeling like this. I have nothing to complain about. But I've been complaining in my head, anyway. 

Just now, I spent 30 minutes looking of photos of myself on facebook, trying to decide if I'm fat or not. (wtf.) As a result, I nearly forgot that I was supposed to put the soup on for my dad so he has something to eat when he gets home from doing real life work. 

I'm too old for this crap. It's stupid, and it makes me think I'm crazy. Which I probably am. 

I dunno if it's because I'm stuck in Midland, and I hate it. I dunno if it's because I have a date tomorrow (first one in a few months), and I'm freaking out irrationally. No excuse is good enough for me to indulge in this crap, though. I realized what I was doing and became promptly disgusted with myself.

Ugh. I need to focus on other things. \

Anyone got any thoughts on how I could correct this pattern of living/thinking?

That is all.
 

Comments

( 8 people are enabling me — Reaffirm my pathetic existence )
amelie_mellow
Oct. 8th, 2009 12:11 am (UTC)
What the hell is this "comment" = "reaffirm my pathetic existence" ?
You are normal. Okay... so we don't really know each other. But I can tell you that I do things like that all the time and have decided that while I should not be considered fat by human standards, I am by societal standards at least not catalogue worthy. I air on the side of Queen Latifah-esque rather than Twiggy-esque. Who cares? If your date doesn't think you're awesome because of something like that, they're a loser. I know it's easy to say these things (to others or to oneself, as I say it to myself over and over and over again) and reply "it doesn't make a bit of difference if society is dumb or not, I still want my date to think I'm hot." So basically, I don't know shit. I do know however, that even if what you did made you feel immature, if you never did stuff like that, you would be annoyingly self-confident. Confidence is brilliant and certainly well deserved but constant self-confidence is, in my humble opinion, mildly gross.

Aaaaanyway.... if you get only one thing out of this, let it be: I am also immature (stupid, crazy, too old for this crap, etc.) - we could share our woes over livejournal, guilt-free, whenever necessary.
baka_sensei
Oct. 8th, 2009 12:21 am (UTC)
Hahaha- The "comment" has always = "reaffirm my pathetic existence". It was always supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek thing/commentary on the type of journals you see on LJ in general. I suppose with this post it takes a more serious tone, which was not intended, I assure you. :D

Thank you so much for the pep-talk! Normally, I'm a totally self confident person. Some might say arrogant, even. But then I have these attacks of momentary ridiculous immature insecurity. I guess it proves I'm human, or whatever. The thing that really bothers me is that, on an intellectual level, I know I have absolutely nothing to complain about and I'm really lucky to have all the awesome friends and life that I have. I tend to overdramatize in general, so when I do stuff like this, it makes me all disappointed in myself.

BUT EPIC LOVE TO YOU. And what not. And if you ever wanna do the LJ sharing, feel free. Send me a message if'n ya want, as I am terrible at checking other people's posts with any sort of regularity. :D

*hugs*
riot_cabaret
Oct. 8th, 2009 02:28 am (UTC)
I've been feeling really down about myself too. I gained weight this past year and now I'm itching to get rid of it. I just want to lose it all now and I can't and it sucks.

I started a food journal today and I'm getting a treadmill as an early X-Mas present.
baka_sensei
Oct. 8th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
WHOO! TREADMILL. We have an eliptical. I just need to use it more often. Heeee. :D
historia78
Oct. 8th, 2009 03:08 am (UTC)
Dude ellipticals are great. Get on that, if you want. I would love to have one in my apartment but I settle for the gym's crappy ones.

If it makes you feel better. a week or two ago, I gave up dating as far as pursuing it and started working out three times a week and eating semi better...hoping to lose some weight.

What happens? I gain 3.5 pounds. Seriously!! Seriously!! Please shoot me!
baka_sensei
Oct. 8th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC)
Hahah! You must be gaining muscle! That's all! :D
smarmyelf
Oct. 8th, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC)
It's Midland.
baka_sensei
Oct. 8th, 2009 10:03 pm (UTC)
Truth.
( 8 people are enabling me — Reaffirm my pathetic existence )

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baka_sensei
lover of muffins and one-legged puppies

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